Agnate Manifest

How about this sales pitch:

I can fly. Really, I can. I've been able to do it since birth. It's not something I usually talk about, but you are a special person, and I want you to know this about me. I'm telling you this because I want to teach you how to fly, too. In fact, I'm forming a core group of people right now who I will personally mentor, and show them how they can teach others to fly. I want you to be a part of this group, because I think you have what it takes to fly almost as good as me. Now, you will probably never be able to fly as good as me, but let me tell you, flying is great! Even if you never achieve the level of flying I have in my life (and you just need to prepare yourself for the inevitable truth that your probably won't), you need to get on board and join this exceptional group of people.

This fine gentleman went on to tell me that he is a personal friend of a nationally known Christian speaker and that he has spoken for well known Christian organizations at the national level, not to mention the fact that someone who is very successful has come to his house a number of times for dinner. He told me how important it was for him to see others succeed, how servant leadership and personal integrity are important to him, and how he knows I share these values. He offered me a job working for him at 5% above the market maximum for my professional skill set (which, for those who are wondering, is not what I am making at my current place of employment).

I checked him out.

The personal secretary of the nationally known Christian speaker has never heard of him. The Christian organization is actively looking for him to ask him what the hang-fire he thinks he is doing using them as a reference when they've never heard of him. Apparently I'm not the first person to call them about this fellow. The highly successful person's company has stiff-armed all of my inquiries.

Note to Dude:

Your actions are trashing the Name of God, the names of His people, and the work of their hands. Your false associations are deceptive and inconsistent with the fruit of the Holy Spirit. Your pride and ego are in direct opposition to the Creator of the Universe, and though you claim His Name, your behavior is a denial of any concern for it. You are recruiting heathens into your little scheme using these tactics, which will be a millstone around your neck in the final analysis. Repent now and pray for mercy. God will hear you, and will forgive you, and will heal whatever sad, sick and twisted things have happened to you to make you think that preying on people for financial gain and a validation of your depraved ego.

Whew. I feel better.