Agnate Manifest

512 MB of memory. 40GB of pastoral cyberfields to romp in. A free CD-RW/DVD-R upgrade. A wide screen monitor. Hello, my precious.

It is confusing to me why a company would call itself a "Christian company." After all, organizations are only as sanctified as the people who work for them. There is something to be said for wanting to represent the Gospel using your business, but when any time someone is dealing with you and feel they haven't been treated fairly (or their expectations weren't met), it puts a black mark on the body of Christ. People don't forget the bad taste, and the bitterness of the gall is more memorable when it bears the Christian name.

Better to do business well and treat people better than they expect to be treated. If they see a difference, then it's easy to point to Scripture as your road map and explain to them that you try to operate your company with Biblical principles.

A large company is especially vulnerable, because the principals may be Christians, but not all of their employees will share their conviction. So the first time someone lies to a customer or doesn't attend to their needs with a "servant mentality", the Gospel is compromised, because you put a sheep's name on a wolf's face. The only protection one has against this, I suppose, is to force employees to commit to a specific code of conduct and fire them if they don't follow through. Then all the heathens have to at least ACT like Christians, even if they're not.

Our family spent Thursday evening watching the entire A&E production of "Pride and Prejudice". The girls were enraptured with the elegance and the obvious feminine appeal of a family with five daughters and no sons. The boys were less attracted, though the story line pulled them in, and I think the presence of military men gave them hope their might be a battle scene. At one point, I believe Joshua was on the edge of his seat thinking Darcy was going to hunt Wickham down and challenge him to a duel. Sadly, no. C'est la vie.

I was impressed with the lack of physical contact in social contexts. In a world where people hug near-strangers, the idea of bowing, nodding, curtseying, and generally keeping one's hands to oneself is nearly extinct. The only time men shook hands was when Darcy and Mr. Gardiner came to a business agreement on who was going to pay Wickham's debts. Children and parents embraced each other after long periods apart, as did sisters. Other than that, it seems physical affection was reserved for private personal moments between parents or spouses.

While I refuse to believe that there was any less adultery or any fewer temptations in the sexual realm during this era of mankind, I'm not opposed to the idea that those who chose to remain chaste in their thoughts and actions benefited so much more from this cultural pretense than the pretense that we have today: it's okay to touch another man's wife, especially if you are in church. Call me a prude (I'm not), or old-fashioned, but somehow it seems so much more respectful to keep your hands off of someone who is not connected to you by blood or marriage.

As the years have worn on, it's become more and more awkward hugging a female of any level of relationship. I am a very physically expressive person, and for the longest time it seemed "natural" to express affection in that manner. But there were moments when either in my own mind or in a very real sense, that expression laid the groundwork for something less than admirable. The most frightening moments were the ones where I detected a need in a married woman's momentary "hello" hug: an outwardly imperceptible lingering that said, "I need someone to understand me. He doesn't." The impropriety of that level of intimacy now terrifies me. So I work very hard at not hugging women unless they gave birth to me, took a vow of marriage to me, or are a product of my obedience to the procreative command.

I've just been named a Soulmate by Bill at Theognome's Thoughts. I'm honored.

I haven't had time to blog because I'm essentially working three jobs, being a father and a husband, and teaching every Sunday for the next few weeks.

The normal 8 to 5 job as an information/communications manager is enjoyable (I've finally found my niche at this company), but there is a deficit in the income department. To supplement that in the past, I've worked a commission-only loan officer gig, meeting with people in their homes of an evening and talking to them about refinancing. For some reason, January has been an exceptionally crappy month. I was given twelve leads, and was only able to actually meet with one family, who were selling their home in about two years. No sale. The other leads either called the office at the last minute to cancel, or weren't home when I got there.

To supplement the supplement, I've contracted with a network security startup company to do technical writing and business documentation. The work is slow in coming, but when things get going (and I am confident they will), I should have more work than I know what to do with.

This is a season in my life where nothing seems to to be moving forward. All of the kids are "acting out", probably in part due to the fact that I'm not home nearly as much as they would like or need, and they're testing the waters of Mom's disciplinary methods. While I know that things are not spiraling out of control, it is taking extra effort to make sure that when I am home, I am really home and not out of touch.

The sense that I am "in irons" (a sailing term for you land lubbers) with no forward momentum is a bit unsettling. I get frustrated with the lack of progress in any one area. I get anxious about my finances. A sin, I know. The profound cliche of "being still and knowing that He is God" is at once repulsive (as a cliche) and yet attractive in its profound accuracy of my situation.

I'm doing everything I can, and it does not seem to be enough. The tendency to stop doing anything is an inadequate solution. I will continue to do what I can and what I know to do. I will continue to look for the hosts of angels on every side. I will continue to listen for the still small voice. I will remember that there are thousands of others just like me, who hope for more than who they are and what they have today, yet possess the understanding that godliness with contentment is great gain.

How ironic that I'm teaching a class on the inward and outward working of the Holy Spirit in the midst of a time of want and seeming silence. The elders at my church asked me to teach on this subject a couple months back, and its been a challenge to do so. The truth that those who teach are judged more strictly is apparent in the knowledge that I attend a body of believers who are scholars in their own right, and deeply concerned with orthodoxy and truth. I am blessed to be surrounded by such a group of men. One more reason to be thankful and to persevere.

Over at Debi Warford's blog I found this little gem. Apparently I am a Yankee at heart, seeing as how I prefer to visit north of the Mason-Dixon line. I still maintain the providential nature of my residency in Texas, and proudly bear the title of Father to Four Texans by Birth.



create your own visited states map
or write about it on the open travel guide

I read a fascinating review of Mel Gibson's movie The Passion of Christ on MSNBC. The author pointed out that Mel has an unhealthy passion for violence. He points out that Braveheart, The Patriot, and a number of other Gibson movies possess an overt glorification of blood and guts. This particular reviewer was grossed out and compared the movie to sadist pornography (an assertion with which I heartily concur - even without seeing the movie).

Granted, Gibson's depictions are always, "in context," and are "essential to the plot", but there is something grandiose, melodramatic and subsequently offensive in them. I don't expect The Passion to be any different. One more reason I won't go see the movie that extends beyond my conviction that this movie is a direct violation of the Second Commandment.

I remember when Saving Private Ryan came out. Everyone who went to see it came back and told me, "If you go, be ready to be overwhelmed in the first 15 minutes." The beach landing sequence was amazing and horrific. The image that will never leave me is a medic dragging a man across the beach who is missing his entire lower half. The human mind can fill in the blanks, but the "realism" was a bit more than anyone was prepared for. I anticipate Mr. Gibson's movie will be the same.

We all have some idea of what beating, thirst, hunger, loneliness and physical pain can do to a person. We also understand the logistics of crucifixion: the pain of the nails, the weight of the body against them, the slow and unrelenting exhaustion that leads to death through suffocation. We've seen the paintings, some of which are more benign than others. We've attended the "towel and bathrobe" church Easter pageants, where stage paint fills in for the gore and the terror. We know what happened, just as we know people were shot, maimed, blown up, abandoned, drowned and disfigured by World War II.

So what benefit is it to a Christian to watch Jesus be crucified all over again? All they will see is a man bound and put on trial. They will see every punch. They will watch the sweat from his brow sling out from his hair in slow motion at every blow. They will see the points of the thorns slip agonizingly beneath the skin. They will raptly sit without breathing as he is tied to the stake. They will grit their teeth and wince yet never turn from the screen as each stripe is laid on, the flesh of a man's back slowly disappearing into the pulp of his muscle tissue. They will sit on the edge of their seats as he is put on trial, the hands of a Roman official are washed, and the crowds clamor for more blood. They will watch the weight of a heavy beam be placed atop the seeping, oozing back, and they will groan inwardly as what is left of the man hobbles through the streets of Jerusalem.

They will be waiting for The Moment. Hating it, yet yearning for it, because it is the climax of The Show. They cannot imagine what it would be like to be pushed to the ground and nailed to a tree. The horror. The abject terror. The excruciating pain. And so they wait and wonder. And then they know. They see the nails pierce the wrist. They watch incredulous as the hammer collides again and again with the head of the nail. They count the strokes. They hope for the end. But the end does not come, because there are more nails to be driven. More flesh to be pierced. The images will roll over them like waves, the astonishment and the revulsion mixing to produce a rich and frothy cocktail of carnal sensations.

Only when the body is securely fastened to the wood do they relax. The worst, by their estimation, is over. They will continue to watch because they paid $8.50 for a ticket. They will continue to watch because they want to see how it ends. They will continue to watch because they have nothing better to do. They will get their money's worth, and they will drink the poison they purchased without concern for what it is doing to the REAL image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation.

Churches across the nation are buying out theaters to "evangelize" through this film. Christians are giddy over endorsements by the Pope (whatever you believe and however you feel about that), Pat Robertson, George Bush, Billy Graham and the like. The Body of Christ is no longer on the cross, but it is rushing out to see what it looked like when it was. Men will take their wives and their children. Co-workers will induce their "unsaved" friends to go. Neighbor will rise up with neighbor, and they will all march happily into the blackness to watch their Saviour be crucified over, and over, and over again.

I've heard people say, "It will help us to appreciate so much more what He did for us." They forget that a movie will never capture the spiritual dynamic of the event. No one will see the separation the Son of God, who was One with the Father experienced. There will be no depiction of the tearing apart of The Three and One. They will hear the words, "Why have You forsaken me?" They will see the tears and the anguish. But they will never comprehend the depth of despair that overwhelmed the Son of God and Son of Man in that moment.

They will never see Him descend into Hell, preach to the captives, or lead captivity captive in His train. They will never witness the resurrection as it really was, or lay eyes on the moment when the innocent Son, convicted and executed for a crime He did not commit, was vindicated by the Holy Spirit.

And the following Sunday, if they are bold enough to approach the communion rail, or take the cup and the wafer as it passes under their noses down the pew, they will remember Jesus. They will remember how bloody he was. They will remember how he thrashed as the nails bit into his body. They will remember the lighting, and the camera angle, and the way the blood ran down his brow "just so". They will recall the man-made image of God that now so vividly rests in their mind. They will come out of the movie saying, "This movie changed me." They will have no idea how changed they are.

I'm still alive and kicking against the goads.

Someone asked me if I thought the Bible was pornographic based on my condemnation of The Passion of Christ.

I certainly would not call the Bible pornographic. It is true that Christ suffered for us horribly, but the Bible is written in such away that while
we know what he suffered, we are not exposed to every stripe, every blow, every drop of blood, and every agonizing detail of a gory and horrific way to die. By the decree of God and the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, those details were left out for a reason. The crucifixion is one fourth of the Gospel. Jesus was born, lived, died and was resurrected. The Bible is not pornographic in its depiction of any of these things. The Word of God is governed by the Spirit of God in its accounts, and if we attempt to supercede that wisdom by creating our own ideas of how the Image of the Invisible God, the Firstborn of all creation was born, lived, died and was resurrected, we are in deep water and sinking fast.

I doubt any of us would attend a film that contained equally graphic sequences of the birth of Christ. Do we need to see that to identify with his humanity?Would we attend a movie about the life of Paul that graphically depicted what went on in the temples of Corinth to help us get a grip on the depth of depravity Christians faced in that day? How would we feel about taking our children to see an accurate reproduction of the slaughter of every living thing in Ai or Jericho? Is is necessary for us to watch babies being placed in the cherry-red arms of a brazen Persian idol for us to grasp the evil that was in the land in the days of Daniel? I cannot find scriptural warrant for "educating" our children in this manner, or "building ourselves up in our most holy faith" by exposing ourselves or our families to such things.

If a man were being beaten to a bloody pulp by a mob in the presence of our family, we would not stand by and watch, or move our children so they can "get a better view" in order to understand the effects of physical violence on the human body, or to show them what the effect of sin does to the minds of mankind. We do not invite people over to our home to fornicate so we can give our family some idea of what the disobedient do in secret (or in public). We arrest people who expose children to sexually graphic images, and we condemn adults who view those images. Why? Because they are inaccurate depictions of the purposes of God. They violate His order. They corrupt His design. And they are a perpetuation of the original defilement of His image that occurred in the Garden of Eden. My conviction is that the graphic nature of this movie will violate the purity of those who see it. It will provoke a response that God did not intend. It will ravage the consciences of its viewers, not to the point of conviction, but to the point of violation of those God created to have fellowship with Him.

Our understanding of the effect of visual images seems to go out the window when we talk about the depictions of violence, gore and torture depicted in this movie. Like sexual pornography, they are designed to produce a response. One man who went with his wife stated that his wife described the movie as "a whole body experience." A movie that is a "whole body experience" is not just a movie. It has gone past entertainment and evoked an emotional reaction so intense that a physical response occurs. Many other movies have impacted the minds of the viewers in a similar manner: Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The Silence of the Lambs. Saving Private Ryan. Somehow, because this is a movie with Biblical content, we think that is a good thing. We condone it, even though what we see in the movie far surpasses what our minds could produce as we read the pages of scripture. We praise the movie, because it doesn't just make us think, but it makes us feel. It stimulates us in a way that scripture doesn't. We get to see what God left out of His account. Our itching eyes and ears are salved, and we are changed. I can't see how we are changed for the better.

I've got some great photos of my wonderful wife. There are plenty of memories and emotions those photos produce when I look at them. But if you asked me to choose between the photos and the woman, I will load up every scrap of Kodak paper and give it to you in a heartbeat. Any of us would do that. Why? Because the actual relationship is more valuable than the images of the relationship. And whatever the photos help us remember, all that they represent is lost if we are without the living, breathing spouse. Take away the person, and all you have is a memory. We serve a risen saviour. We worship the Living God. Jesus did not leave us a "photo album". He left us His word and His Spirit. By His design, these are decreed as sufficient for our understanding of what occured at Golgotha. We should not substitute our own images to help us remember what He did for us, or rely upon our own depravity to reproduce the heinous crimes of those who hated Jesus. If we do, I believe scripture teaches that we are guilty of crucifying Him all over again to our own shame, and quite frankly, I believe our judgement.

As patriarchs we all have to choose what we will do about showing this movie to our families. God will hold us accountable for our choice. The men here who take their wives or their children to see this movie will be responsible for the spiritual, emotional, and yes, even physical effects it has on those in their charge. Keeping in mind that we are not our own, but we were created to leave an inheritance for those who will come after us, I will not flinch in reading the scriptural account of the cruxifixion to my children, but this movie will not be found in the material or historic archives of my estate for the reasons listed above. May God give us all the grace to know how we should live.

Of all the streaming music web sites I've come across, AccuRadio.com takes the cake. I am particularly fond of their Swingin' Pop Standards, A Flock of Eighties, Jazz and Celtic channels. I like the fact that you can choose a sub-channel, which allows you to control the content to a great degree. For example, if you like classic swing, but you want to avoid hearing Rod Stewart, kd lang, or other modern voices, you can choose a "Rat Pack" channel, which keeps you listening to Frank, Sammy, Ella, Tony and Dean with few exceptions. They are also pop-up free. What a glorious world we live in.

You're Ireland!

Mystical and rain-soaked, you remain mysterious to many people, and this makes you intriguing.  You also like a good night at the pub, though many are just as worried that you will blow up the pub as drink your beverage of choice.  You're good with words, remarkably lucky, and know and enjoy at least fifteen ways of eating a potato.  You really don't like snakes.
Take the Country Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

His eyes drifted across the table and settled on her blurry face. She was staring off into space, arms crossed, absent-mindedly tapping her well-groomed fingernail against her teeth. He was tired. He should be wearing his glasses, but his face felt like it was made of lead. The weariness of last week's double shifts pulled at his body, telling him to sleep. he shook himself mentally, forcing his thoughts into focus. She was leaving in the morning, and it would be months before they would have another meeting like this.

"So what do you think?" The question was a general one. He didn' t want to prejudice her answer.

She turned her face towards his. Her eyes stopped their journey at his chin. She was staring at his mouth like it was an abyss that housed some fearsome monster.

"Do you like where you are?" Her inquiry was a week attempt to shield her thoughts while she carefully crafted a diplomatic answer. In her eyes, however, the disappointment was clear. The windows to the soul, Daniel thought. She'd never really been able to hide from him. It was like her to keep things bottled up inside. He knew it wasn't in him to follow her example.

"It's the best thing that's ever happened to me," he replied. "I'm getting more out of it than I ever thought I would. I'm learning. I'm growing. I'm finally understanding what is important. and why." He leaned forward. "I'd be short-circuiting my potential if I was doing anything else."

"I figured you would say that." Her face tightened. He could see the grief hovering just below the surface. She didn't understand. She couldn't see the benefits. The fulfillment. There was nothing in her countenance but disagreement and despair.

"What is it you don't agree with?" He knew most of the answers. Their philosophical differences were huge. The fundamental premises that governed their lives were separated by a vast chasm devoid of bridges. But he asked the question for her benefit, to help her know that he wanted to understand. To help her know that the conversation would be worth the hard feelings.

"I don't think I can talk about it" The flesh below her lower lip trembled slightly. "You know how I feel, and I don't want to talk about it. I will just end up getting upset, and I don't want to ruin the day." Her voice, soft with sorrow, buffeted his emotions. It had been a good day. A sunny walk in the park. Grass so green you thought you were in heaven. A clear sky. No humidity. A picnic by the lake. Pleasant conversation and memories of the past that made his heart hurt with joy at their recollection. The dinner under the stars was particularly nice, with good food, good wine, and more conversation that floated in the air like expensive perfume. She is right, his heart told him, it would just ruin the day.

She was looking over his shoulder now, staring at some unseen phantom on the wall. The sadness bottled up in her face made her look like a stranger. Something prophetic about the image pulled anxiety up from some dark place inside him and wrapped its fingers around his heart. Did he really never understand her? Was she not the confidante he'd thought she was? He vainly trace the path of his memory to find the place where the road separated, where they had parted company without knowing it.

George Grantis very, very right about repentance .

How about this sales pitch:

I can fly. Really, I can. I've been able to do it since birth. It's not something I usually talk about, but you are a special person, and I want you to know this about me. I'm telling you this because I want to teach you how to fly, too. In fact, I'm forming a core group of people right now who I will personally mentor, and show them how they can teach others to fly. I want you to be a part of this group, because I think you have what it takes to fly almost as good as me. Now, you will probably never be able to fly as good as me, but let me tell you, flying is great! Even if you never achieve the level of flying I have in my life (and you just need to prepare yourself for the inevitable truth that your probably won't), you need to get on board and join this exceptional group of people.

This fine gentleman went on to tell me that he is a personal friend of a nationally known Christian speaker and that he has spoken for well known Christian organizations at the national level, not to mention the fact that someone who is very successful has come to his house a number of times for dinner. He told me how important it was for him to see others succeed, how servant leadership and personal integrity are important to him, and how he knows I share these values. He offered me a job working for him at 5% above the market maximum for my professional skill set (which, for those who are wondering, is not what I am making at my current place of employment).

I checked him out.

The personal secretary of the nationally known Christian speaker has never heard of him. The Christian organization is actively looking for him to ask him what the hang-fire he thinks he is doing using them as a reference when they've never heard of him. Apparently I'm not the first person to call them about this fellow. The highly successful person's company has stiff-armed all of my inquiries.

Note to Dude:

Your actions are trashing the Name of God, the names of His people, and the work of their hands. Your false associations are deceptive and inconsistent with the fruit of the Holy Spirit. Your pride and ego are in direct opposition to the Creator of the Universe, and though you claim His Name, your behavior is a denial of any concern for it. You are recruiting heathens into your little scheme using these tactics, which will be a millstone around your neck in the final analysis. Repent now and pray for mercy. God will hear you, and will forgive you, and will heal whatever sad, sick and twisted things have happened to you to make you think that preying on people for financial gain and a validation of your depraved ego.

Whew. I feel better.

Just a note to anyone who doesn't get it:

A man and a woman should not become business partners unless they are married to one another. Any other combination is bad joss all the way around. Because you are starting a new company, you will spend all of your waking hours with someone who is not your spouse. You will laugh together. You will cry together. You will make critical financial and logistical decisions together. You will come to understand each other's hopes, dreams, fears and aspirations. You will gain intimate knowledge of likes and dislikes. You will begin to see common ground. And, if you are married and things are not really wonderful at home, you will begin to yearn for attention and appreciation from someone who REALLY understands you. If you do this for long enough, you are guaranteed to build an unholy bond that will decimate your personal life, your marriage, your business, and all those involved in any aspect of these things.

If you are the married person and you want to do the right thing, you will have to separate yourself completely from your business partner and cling with everything you have to your marriage partner. You will be forced to sell off your half of the business you have worked to build. You will spend hours in personal and marital counselling trying to heal your marriage. You will lay awake at night and fight the yearning to return to your emotional mistress, to re-establish contact, and to allow your heart to go there one more time. You will resent your spouse, and they will resent you. You will have to fight to restore what was destroyed by adulterous thinking. You will be a mess for many, many weeks, fighting depression, remorse, anger and condemnation. You will understand why people used to ask you if your relationship with your business partner was a problem with your spouse.

If you are the single person and you want to do the right thing, you, too will have to separate yourself completely from your business partner. You will have to cling to your God and to your close friends for comfort. You will be forced to make a decision about whether or not you want to continue the business. You will wonder what you are going to do now that this person who was so integral to the business and to your life is gone. You will lay awake at night fighting the frustration of wanting something you can never have, and fighting the craving for something that you know is forbidden. You will resent the person you once thought of as invaluable, and you will be forced to confront the fact that you did not guard your heart. You will be a mess for many, many weeks, fighting depression, remorse, anger and condemnation. You will understand why people used to ask you if your business partner was your spouse, and why that was wrong.

In time, you will see that God is faithful, your sins are forgiven, and you will go on to success and restoration. But it will be a long, long road.

The new Blogger control panels are all pretty and everything, but the whole site seems to load slower and has a much more commercial feel. Makes me wonder how long until they go to a paid system like LiveJournal. The old Blogger panel had a more "raw" feel to it, and made a guy feel like he was getting something cool for free. All the rounded edges are a bit frou-frou if you ask me. Pyra labs goes metro-technical on us. Next thing you know, Emo Phillips will be running for President.

Just for anyone who was wondering, I'm not the person described in my previous post. A dear friend of mine got caught in a trap and had to walk out, because he loved "her" too much baby. Take it from me, the end result of emotional adultery is no different from the physical in terms of what a man has to do to win back his spouse. The seductress doesn't always wear a red dress. Sometimes she's a good friend who shares your interests. Be on your guard.

Photo from Yahoo News

Arkansas Family Marks Birth of Fifteenth Child

It always warms my heart to see a huge family dressed to the nines, especially when the modern take on homeschooling is that the kids are neglected and lack socialization. This, in my opinion, stands as a witness to the world that it can be done. The only thing that might torque my jaws is if this guy and his wife were Mormon. It is still inspiring nonetheless.

My pastor preached a poignant and convicting sermon yesterday. The text was out of Hebrews 12; a continuation of last week's exhortation from the same chapter. The message came out of the sin of Esau (whom God hated), and consisted of a caution against allowing our lives to propogate his error.

Having been tutored in Arminian doctrine during my formative adolescence and early teenage seasons, I've struggled with the assurance issue for years. Coming in to Reformed theology, it was easy to grasp the sovereignty of God, the absolute helplessness of man in his salvation, etc. It was even relatively simple to make the jump from "God expects people to choose Him" to "God chooses people to follow Him." The concept of double predestination (i.e., God chooses vessels for redemption and vessels for destruction) wasn't that difficult to swallow either.

The rub, however, comes in the personal application of the last point. Having been a rank and abject sinner even after praying the prayer of salvation and making numerous attempts at rededication, the wrestling match occurs at a level of criticality: what has God chosen for ME?

On the surface, there is evidence of a redemptive work. I was born into a Christian family. I was raised in the church. I understand the plan of salvation, and believe Jesus died for my sins. I comprehend the fact that the power of God raised Him from the dead, and can acknowledge the truth that only that power is what raises a man from spiritual death to spiritual life. I understand that to love sin is to be at enmity with God, and to love God is to be at enmity with sin. It's all good.

Beneath the surface, however, it gets a bit more complicated. I'm confronted with the stark reality that I do not love God the way I should. I'm aware of the thoughts of my heart, and cognizant of the fact that those thoughts define my ontology: I am what I think. Like David, I have a deep desire for the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart to be acceptable in God's sight. But the actual thoughts and the actual words do not measure up to this acceptability. My past actions are no match for the Holy of Holies, even on a good day.

And then we come to Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. He was hungry, so he tossed his birthright on the table to get a bowl of soup. Later, when it came time to cash in on the birthright, he went to claim it; forgetting that day when his belly was full and his hands were empty. He had no chance to repent, because the transaction was complete. The inheritance he sold to his brother was cashed in, and there was nothing left for him to receive.

In Romans 1, those who knew God traded the truth for a lie. Their worship became idolatry, and God gave them over to what they were pursuing. They got their wish, in other words. He gave them full access to their depravity, and they exercised it with extreme prejudice. Their resistance to glorifying God put them in a position where they would not enjoy him forever, and they didn't mind the result. On top of that, they gave their approval to those who acted like them. Apostates cheering on the pagans and other apostates in a twisted dance of mutual admiration.

How many times have I sat at the same table, hungry for immediate gratification of my own selfish desires, or wanting to identify with the trappings of un-Christian thought and practice? How many times has my inheritance been thrown on the boards as guarantee for the acquisition of a bowl of lentils? The Arminian in me wants to claim that the transaction is complete; that there is no hope for me. The condemnation would say that I have paid the price to sup at the wrong table, and therefore the blessing will not be mine.

The error of the Romans 1 crowd (as I see it), is two-fold: first, they abandoned the counsel of God and stopped caring about His purposes. Second, they craved association with His antithesis - they wanted friendship with the world. They wanted the cool, hip pagans to approve of them, and they became convinced that they could have their inheritance and their mess of pottage too.

My impression from Sunday's sermon was not so much a matter of condemnation as it was conviction concerning this point. A man who is skirting the edge of the cliff should be concerned about falling off. If you are dancing on the pig fence, you can't be shocked when you go home smelling a tad ripe. Often we go running off into the darkness "just to see what's out there," only to find ourselves lost and alone, and wishing we had never left the light.

The oath that Esau swore to Jacob was a rash one. It was impulsive and based entirely in his fleshly desire for the moment; no more rash or impulsive than the sin of any other individual. In His sovereignty, God makes provision for those of us who allow our emotions to rule us, and who do what we feel, rather than what is right (Leviticus 5). The assurance is not found in the knowledge that God knows our frame, or even in the fact that He makes provision for it, but rather in the ability to choose the way of escape when we become aware of where we are.

We are not justified in right choices, nor are we sanctified in them. But in the moments when we make them, our assurance comes from our knowledge that without the power of God at work within us, we would be powerless to do what is right.

When we make wrong choices, our love of the world can quickly become a weight around our necks that drags us into the pit of condemnation. A friend of criminals is guilty by association, and it takes One that is greater than our hearts to convince us of anything to the contrary.

It is true that no good thing dwells in me. I am unable to justify my actions, thoughts or words in every case. Yet each time I fall down, I am compelled to continuing moving in the direction of my Creator. I recalll the fact that I have a joint Heir, one who is faithful and true when I am faithless and false. For this I am thankful.

My brother and his family arrived at our house late last night. We stayed up even later getting our kids acquainted and reconnecting on that "just under the surface" level. They will be here for three days and will head back to Indiana. It is great that we will be able to see them again in a couple weeks when we are on vacation.

Seeing my "little" brother with his kids is a joy. I am amazed at how consistent he has remained in his personality, and how there is no pretension or performance in his parenting. I tend to parent to some degree based on the standards of those around me (i.e., if I think someone will be offended by my child's actions, I will tell him to stop). This says more about defects in my character than anything else, I think, because it confuses (and provokes?) my kids. I can learn a thing or two from the bro'.

On an entirely different note: I am listening to AccuRadio's Classical Crossover channel, which is a melange of opera and symphony greats doing both classical pieces and more modern pieces. One of my favorites is the Vienna Boys Choir singing "Message in a Bottle" off their "Vienna Boys Choir Goes Pop" 2002 album. There is something really cool about the operatic quality of their voices, coupled with the lyrics of well-known tunes that is refreshing and entertaining.

I'm going to try to hone the AudioBlog feature a bit more, as I'm still fighting the medium, due mostly to insecurity and disorganized thoughts. Maybe I will reserve that for more profound ruminations and keep the written blog for the entries that begin "I went to Wal-Mart today." I'm sure the feature has its place. Finding it is the adventure, and YOU get to be the guinea pig!

For the first time in my life, I have been laid off. I am drunk with the plethora of possibilities and a tad bit overwhelmed by the financial ramifications. The journey continues.

Anyone need a writer/process analyst/database developer?

Here are some random thoughts on infant baptism versus believer's baptism that I posted on David Heddle's blog after he ruminated on the same topic:

All baptisms are believers baptisms and are public testimonies to God's covenant. Neither baptism is any greater or lesser means of grace. The baptismal candidate, regardless of age, is either elect or reprobate. In the Old Testament, infants and adults were both circumcised, the only distinction being when they entered the covenant. The babies of believers are placed in the covenant at birth by their parents through baptism in faith that God will save their children just as He will save them. An individual who is baptised as an adult enters the covenant in faith that God will save him and subsequent generations. The natural progression in this line of thinking is that the one baptised as an adult would have his children baptised at birth, once again in faith of God's promises. The genuineness of the faith of everyone involved (i.e., Christian parent, baptised infant, baptised adult) manifested in the life of the individual. Infant baptism and believer's baptism are compatible with one another and completely orthodox. A believing parent, however, who does not baptise his children, is adopting a "wait and see" attitude concerning God's faithfulness regarding his sons and daughters. Our Creator could never be so fickle.

This past weekend has carried with it a number of milestones.

On Friday, I was informed that for the first time in my working career I will be laid off this month.

On Saturday, I spent the day meditating on the goodness of God and looking for work. I quickly came to the conclusion that I did not really want to re-enter the rat race, so I spent the afternoon working on a plan for self-employment via independent consulting. In the process, it came to my mind that all of my employment since age 19 or so has come from relationships. I've been hired by friends or by the employers of friends, etc. Based on that paradigm, I put out some trial balloons to see what would pop up.

On Sunday, our church hosted a home fellowship from Weatherford, TX that is considering membership in the CRE. They are a very musically inclined group, so we were blessed with very strong four-part harmony during worship. The Gloria Patri and the Doxology were particularly inspiring. Following worship, we feasted on Texas barbeque and a plethora of well-planned desserts. After eating and talking for a while, we had a meeting of the male heads of household, where I was voted in as a deacon. While it is an honor, I have to say that in the past few weeks I've been challenged and sobered by the review of the responsibilities listed in 1 Timothy 2. Nothing like public accountability to shake a man. After cleaning up and packing away the tables and chairs, a few of the families went to our our Teaching Elder's home on the West Houston prairie for more food, more conversation, a very good beer and another, and some really cool fireworks.

While we were there, Pat and Kevin (leaders from the Weatherford group) graciously re-indoctrinated me into pipe-smoking. I've not smoked a pipe since college, and I had forgotten how much I enjoy it! Now I'm shopping for a pipe, and I've got my eye on this gorgeous Wessex Hyde Park smooth quarter bent billiard, courtesy of smokingpipes.com:



At some point I suppose someone will demand an apologetic for smoking, but right now I'm choosing to bask in the reverie of a mild smoke that carried a subtle maple flavor, the smoothness and warmth of the bowl in my hand, and the pleasure of good company and good conversation.

On Monday, I helped a friend move a piano (which was more fun that it sounds) and went to visit another friend to talk about my employment situation. As providence would have it, he has a number of projects which may turn into full-time employment. Not only that, the work will give me more time with the family, and the opportunity to pursue some entrepreneurial ventures. I went home overwhelmed by the faithfulness of God.

All in all, a very good weekend.

Among all the furor over Doug Wilson's statements concerning homosexual marriages being a judgement on America there is a practical aspect to the discussion. The question quickly becomes, what is the Christian's political responsibility? If we are petitioning the government to solve our spiritual problems and not petitioning the Church to repent for the things that are brining judgement on the nation, are we doing the right thing?

A majority of God's judgements were on His people. He does, after all, chasten those whom He loves, and we are told not to spurn His discipline. So if homosexual marriages and abortion are God's judgement, then shouldn't we be taking our licks like obedient children and working on changing our hearts to get us back to where we don't need no more whuppins?

The Republicans and the Democrats are users and abusers. Both parties are inherently socialist at their core. The Republicans have successfully recruited the modern evangelical Christians to their side, and the Democrats have done the same thing with minorities. No one is asking either party why they haven't kept their promises. Everyone seems content to listen to the rhetoric and the promises and to hope that this will be the year when all our hopes and dreams will be realized.

On the Democrat side, the minorities keep looking for the day when their chosen party will lead them to social freedom, where they are no longer oppressed, where they are on a level field financially, socially and academically with the whites. They anticipate the eradication of the drug problem. They expect single mothers to get married and have solid families. They listen to the promises, and they hope.

On the Republican side, the conservatives hope for marriage between a man and a woman, the abolition of abortion, the reduction of federal government, states rights, and so many other seminal issues. They listen to the promises, and they hope.

And yet, there is no real change. None of the masses really get what they are hoping for. Each group keeps allowing itself to be wooed by its respective courtesans, while the political machine keeps churning and each party keeps working on its agenda.

So what if the Christians pulled out of both parties? What if they walked away from the political machine and started thinking about what a statesman really is? What if they chose men from among them who were above reproach, and, more importantly, had a sense of duty before God for their actions in the legislature?

Not too long ago I spoke with a man who was concerned that Muslims are trying to take over the Republican party. He was freaked out because there were bearded and robed Middle Easterners at his Republican district convention. He was concerned that someone was going to take away his good thing. In his mind, the Republican party was the source of his salvation. If change was going to come, it was going to occur through the precious Republican party.

We must never, never forget that there is no political party that can solve our problems. If we are going to conduct ourselves in the political arena, we have to do it using God's principles in the confines of man's system. Where man's system demands that we compromise God's principles, we step aside and say "No, thank you." That will always work better than any petition.

This past Sunday I was ordained as a deacon. For the few who don't know, the word deacon originates from the Greek word diakonos, which means, "servant."

As our teaching elder pointed out, there is a lot of talk these days about servant leadership, and most of it is a nod in the direction of the WWJD management school. The principle goes like this: you motivate people by serving them. You inspire people by serving them. You lay down your life and you get back the lives of everyone who works for or with you. But everyone knows that if you lay down your life you are just going to get trampled. There will be few who will really, truly appreciate your sacrifice unless it gets them to where they want to be. A boss who takes a cut in pay to give his employees bonuses may qualify. A guy who stays late after work to help a co-worker finish up may qualify, but his actions will also make him a mark for the lazy ones. Call me cynical, but I've seen the principle at work. In the final analysis, serving people is supposed to make you successful, get you raises, and generally enhance this experience we call life so you become a Donald Trump for Jesus or something. Servanthood gets you noteriety, recognition and lots of friends or team-mates depending on where it is applied. Not.

True servants are not out for glory or public recognition. In fact, a really good servant is rarely noticed. A man who has a good valet will get noticed. A groundskeeper makes everyone compliment the landholder's impeccable grass. A butler makes sure everything is in place before dinner is served. A chef prepares exquisite dishes in service to his employer. The housekeeper makes sure the furniture is straight, the linens are pressed, and there isn't a speck of dust on the glass coffee table. And what recognition do they get? They may receive a word of praise from their employers, an occassional pat on the back, and a nice gift at Christmas. But none of these individuals are going for the glory of public acclaim in their professions.

Will any one of you who has a servant plowing or keeping sheep say to him when he has come in from the field, 'Come at once and recline at table'? Will he not rather say to him, 'Prepare supper for me, and dress properly and serve me while I eat and drink, and afterward you will eat and drink'? Does he thank the servant because he did what was commanded? So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, 'We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty.' Luke 16:7-10 ESV

Servants understand the difference between acclaim and duty. While serving above and beyond the parameters of one's duty may result in some form of recognition, a servant's goal is not to be recognized. His goal is to do what is required of him in his position with excellence, diligence and a sense of completeness in the execution of his responsibilities.

It is apparent that God will say, "Well done" to His good and faithful servants. There is an element of recognition that comes at the end of time for our obedience. But the kudos are not our goal. Our goal is completion of our duty. Of what is required. Our objective is to accomplish the faithful keeping of the covenant, and the faithful repentance when we fail to do so. Our mission is to love God and enjoy Him forever. The blessings that come with obedience are not our right. They are our privilege, our undeserved gift. We are unworthy. We've been given our orders, and we must be diligent in the keeping of them. This is the heart and the mind of a servant, a deacon, if you will, to the rest of the world and to our God. Ordination merely calls one to greater accountability in the exercise of an office every Christian must fill.

So it is official. I am now one of the diakonai. Obscurity with honor. Duty without recognition. It's an honor and a high responsibility. I pray I am equal to the task.